mAnDiE (butterflybabie) wrote,

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u it is...

well i guess i could fit something in here, but i'm not in tha mood for talkin really.. its late and i'm tired.  i have learned that i dont like my life, and God has given me a second chance fo wat reason?  cuz nothin good has happened to me so far.  here..ima tell u a story... this is my final year at northeast.  i couldnt wait fo my senior year, but now that i am half way thro it, i wish i could turn back and restart it ova.  every month something bad has happened.  remember how me and anthony were in luv and everything...well we broke up, like the first week of september.  why?  becuz he lost feelins fo me.  see in august like 22nd, we got arrested, me, him, lenny, and ned...they went car-hoppin and i drove them so i "helped" but wateva.  becuz of that, i lost all my friends and my boyfriend.  he told me that nothin was ever gonna break us up and i was like i neva wanna lose u and he's like woah...that kinda made him think i guess.  but now we arent even friends and i wish i still had him becuz i miss him wit my whole heart.  i find myself cryin and thinkin and missin him so much like no otha.  he will alwayz alwayz have my heart.  and ova this gettin arrested shit, i lost my best friend jessica, ned's gurl, but wateva, thats no big deal...juz a waste of space, fuckin prep.  sorry.  so i tried to move on.  then one day sholeh called me or sumthing, i dont member and we hung out and now we are best friends and do everything together.  so, on october 30th, all tha halloween parties were tyte as fuck and i was trashed and havin so much fun.  thats when i met jeff philips...big mistake right there.  but oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  it took me a week before i would let him kiss me.  that whole nite i met him, he would be holdin me and sayin no one better talk to her and everything.  ya kno, he does have a heart, but he doesnt learn to stop runnin to lauren.  but wateva, thats done wit.  but now i like bout 3 people.  i'm not goin to say right now.   but while i tried to move on from jeff and keep my mind off of anthony, i tried to get this one boy eddie to like me.  i dont know what it is bout him, but i think he's cute!  he has a great sense of humor and everything, but i dont know wat to do about him.  i think i stopped crushin on him.  but its like i see anthony in my dreams and thoughts.  i miss him too much.  i want him back, but i cant have him.  so...i have also been workin at this bank still, and i dont like my manager.  while goin to skool and work, i had to do community service...a lot of it too.  and i had to go to a class for stealing shit and a maximum jail tour, scary ass shit too.  bad thoughts stay with ya on that.  then new year's and sholeh were suppose to go to ocala but everyone was flaw and i ended up takin care of jordan's drunk ass and i only had one drink all nite.  then within a two day period, i got molested by two different people who fuckin know each other and they were suppose to be my friends!!!  then i'm hopin that 2005 would be so much better, well it didnt.  on january 8th, sholeh and i got into a car accident.  i totalled my car and God gave me that second chance on livin.  i should be, SHOULD BE, died rite now, but i'm not.  i missed two trees, a 5 foot thick telephone pole, an SUV, and bushes.  i dont know how, but its like God juz stopped tha car befo tha SUV and slid us 4 feet to a safe stop.  the tow truck man was like WTF?!?!  i dont kno how.  but i thanked God he let us live, but lately, i wish he did take away my life.  cuz now my life is gettin worse and worse.  my mom went out of town fo tha weekend, so i decided to have people over, i didnt want anything big.  i had liquor and jello shots .. ya kno gettin CrUnK.  but nothin but drama happened.  people wanted to fite people and then this kid punched out 2 of the 6 windows i had.  rite now there's plexi glass there, but it looks bad and doesnt fit.  i'm tryin to get this one kid to come fix it but he's bein a bitch.  well anyways, then there's this guy Noel i met.  he's great ya kno, nice ass personality, and everything u would think bout in a guy.  but the more i think bout it, i dont want to date him.  i juz see him as a friend, i dont even wanna kiss him!!!  but he wants to take me on a "romantical" date, but i'm juz afraid to hurt him, but i dont know wat to do.  my mom makes me feel like tha most shitty as person in tha world sometimes.  we dont even have that mother-daughter relationship since i was like 8.  and now in 3 months, ima be 18 and i hope she will juz sit down and listen to me...
in my life, i have been molested, raped, arrested, near death, loss of heart and i'm tryin to find something worth livin fo to make me happy.  
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