mAnDiE (butterflybabie) wrote,

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u could neva understand

last nite...i don't think anyone could eva understand my view if MY life.  u can say all u want that u understand where i'm comin from n wat not, but u really dont.  u don't know me.  there's only one person who really knows how i am and that's my sis who has been wit me since i was 4 years old.  Jenn and i have been the bestest of friends and i could not give her up fo anything in tha world.  i wouldn't give her up fo a guy.  in tha past, a lot has happened between us, but we get through it all, one way or anotha.  i can tell u rite now, that no guy could eva, eva understand wat they do to a gurl.  if a guy eva tells u that he loves u, dont u eva believe it.  i have been there and hurt too much.  anthony told me that he would neva hurt me and that he loved me.  10 months lata, he didnt want to be wit me no mo, and he broke up wit me.  now i hear that he wants to mess around wit otha gurls and he talks shit.  ima bout to be tha gurl i was in tha past and i'm scared to be that way again.  i got people worryin bout me...bout wat ima do next.  they all kno i pray that i dont wake up, or if something bad happens to me.  i am goin through a lot of shit between, my mama, my family, my friends, court, bein brankrupt, and bein heartbroken by a fuckin whyte skater boy, who i turned him to be ghetto.  i can't believe that piece of shit did wat he did and said wat he said.  thats why last nite, i drank...of course i was drunk and i don't remember drivin home.  thats how i was back then.  there's scars that dont need to be reopen, but are close to it.  i have neva been so low in my life befo and i cant handle this shit.  in tha past, i have written good-bye lettas and i'm tryin no to rite now, but this seems like one to me.  i cry and cry every day and i don't deserve bein treated like this.  i want to scream but i cant, i want to run away but i can't, i want my life back, but i cant have it.  if my life could acutally be something to live fo.....
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